Pathetic. Really.

Ok....So the other day, Wednesday I think, I got locked out of my house. This is not nearly as straightforward as it sounds, however. I arrived home after work and went to my front door, placed the key in the lock and twisted. And twisted. And twisted. The center of the lock just spun and spun and spun. So I called my husband. Apparently this happened to him before he left for work that morning. However, unlike me, he was apparently able to jimmy the lock. He suggested I twist the handle while turning the key. No luck. "I'll be home soon," he says, thinking he can jimmy it again when he gets home.

While I'm waiting for my husband, I got around to the side door where the washer and dryer would go (if I had a washer and dryer.) I twist the handle. GREAT! The door is open. DARN! There's one of the chain locks attached and the opening is only about 2 inches wide. So, for my next plan of attack I go around to all the windows. They are all shut, and locked. Except for the window to my bedroom. However, this also is not possible, as it is about 6 feet up and covered by a piece of lattice that keeps the sun out.

Ok. Brian is home. Being the big, strong, technical man he is.....he still can't jimmy the lock. Prehaps when he jimmied it in the morning he broke it even worse. New plan. A screwdriver: to unscrew the chain lock on the side door. Again, no luck. The opening isn't wide enough to turn the screwdriver and he can't get enough leverage to turn it with a pair of pliers.

Did I mention I live right next door to a hardware store.... I walk over with a *new* new plan in mind. Bolt cutters: we'll just cut through the chain, simple enough. Too bad the hardware store doesn't sell bolt cutters. Seriously, if you can't buy bolt cutters at a hardware store.....

Ok, so we can't get bolt cutters, the next logical thing to try is an... angle grinder! But, it's lost in the shed. Brian digs, and digs, and digs. Voila! We plug it in, good thing there is an outlet on the side of the house next to the door. And then: Nothing. It is also too wide to fit through the opening. Taking a step back mechanically, he decides a saw will work. Too bad we only have a wood saw....

Back to the hardware store. Now, the guys that work there probably think I am super smart as I asked for a "hacksaw, to cut through metal." Because, that is what a hacksaw does..... I return triumphantly with the hacksaw ready to saw through the annoying little chain keeping me from the inside of my house. But, my big, strong, technical man has to do it. He's already spent too much time fighting with the door to let me win. Less than 30 seconds later, we're in the house.

Now, to replace the lock. I grudgingly head back to the hardware store to pick up some new door handles (one to replace the broken one, and one more so they are keyed the same.) As we're taking the door knob out of the plastic we realize this is the same dumb knob that is on the door right now, broken. Darn. But it'll do for now. The broken knob is replaced with no problems. The not-broken one proves to be much more difficult.

Now, there's a plate on the door around the knob. Never really thought about it before. But when Brian takes it off, it all makes sense. The plate is there to cover up the hole in the door, where someone apparently had kicked it in before. GREAT. To top it off, the plate that's in the door frame is positioned there by a stack of washers, holding it level with the door frame. What fun?!

So....the moral of the messed up story is....those little chains designed to keep people from opening the doors to your house work. Even if you're trying to get into your own house....